Am I wrong? From the very beginning, am I wrong?

I don’t know what goes wrong, something just keep pulling me into troubles that I’m always trying to get away from.

Even though, I still take myself as one of the luckiest girl in the world, look what I had, what I have, and just imagine what I’m gonna have in the future, there are so many possibilities. But now, I feel empty, waiting for somebody to fill me with anything they want, I don’t care, I just hate to be empty.

“It’s good to be a good person, think of others, and always put your interests behind.” I can’t remember precisely who told me this, but somebody did it, and it really has influenced my life. It gives a perfect excuse for others to hurt me, because they know that I would go away, and smiles back, and tell them I would give up just for their interests, and close the case with “good for you”.

I’m not here to make a scene, but I’m really sick of this. Sometimes, I really want to just go away, leave this place, get a new start, but it’s not easy, there’s something I just can’t let go.

Lucky I still have my friends, far or near, at least they really exist, and they prepare to be my consolations at any time. The ones I can cry to, I can shout at, the ones still can hold me, give me comfort after all the actions.

I like to make boy-friends, I have lots of boy-friends, and they make me feel I’m special, and I really enjoy that. Who wants a boyfriend when having all those good boy-friends around her? But emptiness still exists.

I looked at Brandy’s photo albums the other day, saw my old classmates, my old friends, but there was no me in any of the pictures, like I never existed. A strange feeling suddenly came up, like I only allowed staying in others life for a very short period of time, and then evaporated.

I’m not a person who is good at writing, I’m just writing down what is in my brain. All the things I wrote down are like pieces, many different ones, confusing me too.

I know exactly what I want, I can have it, but can’t keep it, see it coming, and then leaving, left me with nothing.

Memory is a bad thing, but I’m still addicted to it, like drugs, just can’t give them up, once I quit, I’m not sure whether or not I can survive. I’d like taking a rehab, hoping somebody could give me medicines to help me get out of this mess.

Conclusion: right or wrong, it’s not easy to justify, everything has 2 sides. I’m not regretful, everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate, destiny, I just follow its lead, and see where it takes me to, I’m waiting, and looking forward to see what’s gonna happen next.